Now an episode from an email?
Today’s episode is brought to you thanks to an email that I received. Apparently, I still have an account with a dating website and the email I received from someone just made me shake my head and roll my eyes. I really hope this email was a joke. I wouldn’t want some poor woman, who doesn’t know better, to be stuck with this jackass. Thank goodness Eli doesn’t have access to my emails! He’d be livid!
If you can’t read the words in the image, here’s what it says:
“may I be bold. I have two sons, 17 and 14 year old. I am divorced. I am I search of a sub Asian partner to assist in raising them, be a good house keeper, and cook, dog sitter, all the wifely duties, and be sub in bed. I want it when I want it. I may also want to share you with my friends. I know it’s a lot to put your head around, but you will be treated well, and respected. Looks are unimportant, but you need to be height and weight appropriate. Until there is a cure, we do not have all the choices we hope would hope for. So have to be able to pick up and move to Connecticut, looking for two year commitment at a minimum, and hopefully for ever..”
W.O.W. Shall we dissect this, outside of the grammar and spelling issues?
1. Sub Asian partner…what the fuck is sub Asian??
2. Is this the 1940’s??
3. You want it when you want it. What if you don’t have what I want? You can want all you want. Doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Welcome to 2017.
4. You may also want to share me with your friends. HELL-FUCKING-NO! Or is this because you can’t handle the job yourself? LMAO!!
5. It’s a lot to put my head around? Oh me, with my little brain? Let me school you…
6. I’ll be treated well and respected? Sure, because your email sure sounds like it.
7. Height and weight appropriate? Honey, I’m more woman than you can handle, even if I were 5’7 and a buck twenty.
8. Move to Connecticut? I’m still laughing.
9. Minimal two-year commitment and hopefully forever? I may need a doctor now because I cracked a rib laughing.
Why do guys do this? Just…why?
<sigh> My life is never boring.