May. 3, 2017

Looking intimidating works sometimes.

This episode left me smirking.  If you don’t know me personally, you just might think I’m intimidating.  Someone you don’t want to come across in a dark alley.  At least that’s what I’ve been told several times.  I’m built like a Samoan linebacker.  On the short side, but a linebacker none the less.  My tattooed arms are the size of an average person’s legs and probably with the same amount of strength, if I do say so, myself.

So here’s what happened this evening.  After work, I went to a store, got what I needed, and was walking back to my car.  Almost immediately, I noticed a guy walking around my car.  I’m naturally suspicious, so I kept watching as I got closer.  I had my shades on, so I looked like I could be looking anywhere.  Once the guy started looking into my car and tried two of the handles, I pulled a Coach Boomer from Sky High.  (If you don’t know who that is, he’s a gym teacher on the movie Sky High who has powers.  His voice does a sonic boom thing.  I can do that, but without the special effects.  Just the audio punch.  LOL!)

Me: Hey!  Get away from that car!

Him: (Jumps, glances at me then away.) I locked my keys inside.

Me: That’s not your car, you idiot.

Him: (He looks at me then backs away from the car, hands out) It is my car.  Why would I try to break into a car if it’s not mine?

You see, my car is very distinguishable.  It has Hawaiian print car seat covers, a Guam flag and a Seahawks kukui nut lei hanging from the rearview mirror, a Guam license plate frame, oh and a huge Chamorro decal on the back window.

Me: (Cracked my neck and pulled my gloves off, then set my bag on the ground) I’ll tell you one more time to move away from the car before I beat you.

Him: (Backs away more.) Come on sistah, I don’t want no trouble.  I just need to get inside my car.

Me: That’s not your car.  It’s mine. (And I click the panic button on my key fob and the alarm goes off.)

And ...he runs off.

What an idiot!


<sigh> My life is never boring.