Jul. 5, 2017

An ex and a new friend?

This episode of the #AdventuresofCeej amused me.  I went to the movies with my parents.  I got up to go to the restroom and when I came out, I saw this guy that looked vaguely familiar.  He was standing in the concessions line with a woman, his hand in her back pocket.  I just started to walk by them.  Then I realized that he’s one of my exes.  Don’t judge me on why I didn’t recognize him.  LOL.  Once I realized who he was and his head turned toward me, I ducked and started moving with a group of people.  Foolish, because none of them look anywhere close to what I do.  I mean, I’m this short, heavily-tattooed, Samoan-linebacker-looking chick with long dark hair.  I looked nothing like them.  Luck, thy name is NOT Ceej.  As I moved with them, I heard him call out:

Him: CJ?  Is that you?

Me: (Moving faster toward my theater and mumbling under my breath) Shit.

Him: (grabs my arm) Hey CJ?

Me: (can’t stand being grabbed so I shook his hand off) Don’t touch me.  I don’t know you.

Him: (grabs my arm again and pulls me around the corner) Steve.  Remember? 

Me: (I’m trying my hardest not to make a scene and I shake him off again.  I’m here with my parents and I refuse to have them see me get arrested.) I said don’t touch me.

Him: (Looks at me from head to foot) Damn you look better than the last time I saw you.  The tattoos are fuckin sexy.  Give me your number and we’ll hook up.

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t know you.

Him: Meet me later and I’ll show you what you know.

Me: (eyebrow lift, anyone?)  Yeah, no thanks.  You should go back to your woman.  I don’t play that shit.

Him: (decides to be incredibly stupid and starts to reach around to my ass) Come on baby.  She’s nothin.  You know how much I love this ass.

Me: (I’m sick of this so…I bring my hand up to the shoulder pressure point and squeeze and he starts to crumble to the side) I told you not to touch me.

Him: (pushes my hand away and leans back to get out of my grip) Shit. That’s not what you said when we was together.

Then this huge Samoan dude comes up and gets between us.

SD: She said not to touch her.  Leave her alone.

Him: (backs up) Hey man, I don’t want no trouble.

SD: Then leave her alone.

Him: (starts to walk off but turns to look at me) I’ll catch you later.  That ass belongs to me.

SD: Sis, you okay?  Need me to stick around?

Me: I can handle myself, but thank you for stepping in.

SD: Can’t stand to see a woman touched without her permission, especially a sis.  Let me give you my number.  If he bothers you again, at any time, call me and I’ll find him.

Me: (Grinning) Thank you.

I got a new friend!

But otherwise, why does this shit happen to me???

<sigh> My life is never boring.