Sometimes, things from people you’ve been friends with for years will shock the hell out of you. Yeah, that happened to me today. So I’m on my way home from work and in the middle of my insane commute, I get a call from a guy that I’ve been friends with for a long time. He asks me to meet him on my way home because he has news that he needs to share in person. We’re good friends, so I agreed. We’re the kind of friends that hug every time we see each other. Or maybe that’s me because I hug the friends that I adore. So we met and…here’s our convo.
Him: Sup girl, how you doin?
Me: I’m aight.
Him: (raises his eyebrow) It’s me you’re talking to.
Me: I could be better. I’m really tired and don’t have the energy to go into it all. (We hadn’t spoken in a few weeks) So what’s the news? You sounded excited.
Him: First, I have a present for you. (reaches into his car and pulls out a bag from a known clothing store and hands it to me.)
Me: Uh…what’s in the bag?
Him: Open it. I got it for you.
Me: (I reach in and pull out a lingerie set. A beautiful royal blue set that appears to be in my size.) Dude. What the fuck is this? You know this thong would get lost in my ass, right? It'd be like I try to wear this and not find it until Christmas. Besides. What are you doing buying me lingerie? You know I have a man.
Him: (gets up into my space) Because I should be your man. I know you’re not happy with him and you belong with me.
Me: (backs up) I can’t do this. (I push the bag back to him) Take this back. I can’t take it.
Him: (makes a move that I won’t post here) It’s a gift. No one needs to know where it came from. Call me later so we can talk about this. I can see that you’re in pain. Go home and relax. We are going to talk.
Me: (gets back into my car) I’m…uh…I’ll talk to you later.
Him: Yes, you will. In the meantime, get rid of that guy, huh?
<sigh> My life is never boring.