Jan. 22, 2017

Lucky and Blessed.

Lucky.  Blessed.  Two words that describe my current situation.  I haven’t always been lucky, but I have always been blessed, especially now.  You see, since my birthday last month, my life has been…interesting to say the least.  The day after, my family and I had to move into a hotel with an uncertain check out date.  Stress and worries consumed us all. 

I stressed to the point where I stopped certain treatments to be able to pay for some things.  I got some flak from some of the people closest to me, but they understood.  I had to work behind the scenes to get the lowered rate for the hotel to ensure that my family would not be forced to live out of our vehicles.  I wasn’t the only one paying for and stressing about things though, my parents paid for the bulk.  Outside of that, I had so much support!  One friend actually told me, “let me know if you need anything.  Money or whatever.”  She’s not someone who just says things to say them.  It comes from her heart.  Another friend was working to help me find solutions when I was panicking about having to check out of the hotel and not having a place to go yet.  She even figured out what hotel we were in and I hadn’t even told her.  It didn’t stop there.

We have been in our new home for two weeks now.  I was able to restart treatment this past week.  Stopping treatment was risky.  Period.  And boy did I pay for that decision.  The month-long time gap between treatments showed me what I would pay.  Even today, I’m still feeling like my body has been put through the wringer.  Fighting 104 degree fevers, nausea, weakness, and pain for days is horrible.  For those that have and are currently fighting things like this, you are my heroes.  Every single day this past week, I have wished so hard that I can stop treatment.  However, I made promises to certain people and I don’t go back on my word.

Today especially, I woke up wishing I hadn’t, at least not yet.  It seemed like every cell in my body was screaming in pain.  I take so many medications on top of treatments that I try not to take anything more than I have to.  In fact, I refused pain medications stronger than acetaminophen with codeine (Tylenol 3).  Those that know what my treatments are like know that T3 is not enough.  It’s amazing how pain throws you back to your time as a child, wishing that you can just give up and everything will be okay.  However, as an adult, you know better and depression sets in.  Then my day got better.  I got a message from one of my favorite authors.  We’re friends, but I always have that little fangirl squeal whenever I get a message from her.  She made me laugh, which is always a gift because she is a gift.  Then, I received a couple of messages from some amazing friends.  They know that I’m having a hard time medically wanted to do something to make me smile.  They saw my posts about breaking my bookcase and rolling desk, and they wanted to help me get them.  How astonishingly beautiful is that?  It’s not about them buying stuff for me.  It’s about their absolutely beautiful hearts wanting to do something to make me smile.  I’m not the type to take advantage so I naturally, but gratefully, declined.  I don’t believe that I’m different from a lot of others, but how many have friends that do this?  Yes, I am truly blessed.

Earlier this week, I received a package from two of my three favorite authors.  I was having problems with a publisher and they wanted to right the wrong even though it wasn’t their fault.  I posted about my frustration without specifics because I didn’t want anything bad to affect them.  In response, they arranged to get me what I had been waiting for plus some surprises.  I swear, it was like Christmas!  But seriously, who does this kind of stuff?  These women have never met me and yet they took the time to do this.  Am I blessed?  YES!

Also earlier this week, there were some things that happened that floored me as much as the package.  I posted on Facebook about needing ideas for another tattoo.  Yes, I said another tattoo.  My arms are almost completely covered.  My left upper arm only has a Guam seal and I wanted ideas.  I was thinking about something with books because…well…books!  My honey of a friend suggested book quotes and my Fave Audrey commented that I already have “be your strength” tattooed on my wrist.  I got that one several months ago!  I don’t know how she remembered that and I know if I ask her, she’ll roll her eyes at me.  It is one of her quotes though.  LOL.  Fangirling?  Me?  Naturally!

You see, I have a lot of things on my plate, medical issues being the biggest parts.  But I’m blessed.  I have been gifted with so much love, in so many different ways.  All too often, we focus on the bad things that happen to us and forget about the numerous beautiful parts.  The most beautiful parts of my life?  My friends.  My family.  Their love.  Can you name yours?  Take a moment and think about it.  The beautiful parts of your life just might outnumber the bad ones.

Until later, remember two things.  Be safe and be kind to one another.