Feb. 1, 2017

Love or hate, and why I choose love.

It’s always true that we never truly know what others are going through.  Sometimes, the happiest person is hiding horrible and painful memories.  Other times, the person acting horrible to others is one that is having hard times themselves.  This is about my experience with both types of people.

Often, I’m called “Sunshine” or “Starry” or even “Bubbles”.  I must admit that the last one cracks me up because I’m short and round.  LOL.  I am like the first type of person mentioned.  There is incredible pain behind my eyes that comes straight from my heart.  A pain that not many people know about and, as much as I have complained about other things, not one that I talk about much.  I've found that love eases pain, no matter what kind of pain.  I do my best to be cheerful and happy.  Our world is filled with ugliness, pain, and darkness.  Why perpetuate that?  If I can make one person smile despite what they are doing or feeling, I feel that I’ve done something good that has the potential to spread to others.  For me, good equals love.  Why not share it?

As for the other type of person mentioned, tonight is a good example.  I received a call from someone I used to call a friend.  Initially, I wondered how many people thought of me like this?  Then I remembered that I have many, many reasons to believe the opposite.  This former friend wanted to bitch me out because she thinks I’m fake.  She thinks that I’m putting on a front when I wish people good things, when I say that I’m praying for them, when I send people hugs and kisses, when I send them love.  You see, she knows my history and knows what’s coming up.  She wants me to be angry and depressed and destructive.  Part of me understands that because I used to be exactly those things.  The rest of me, however, just can’t be those things.  I have too much to be joyful about.

You will see a post from me that is scheduled to be posted a week from tomorrow.  It will be sad and a little depressing, but my overall goal is to heal.  This part was inspired by a friend that I look up to, value, and absolutely love.  She is amazing and wonderful.  And yes, she has seen what I plan to post and encourages me to go through with it, even though she was a little mad at me for making her cry (sorry!).  I am so lucky to have found a friend in her.  She is one of the reasons I refuse to sink into despair.

She and many of my friends have given me gifts of such pure love and joy.  They’ve unknowingly given me strength when I’ve wanted to give up because my body is in chaos right now.  They encourage me.  They praise me though they don’t have to.  Their beautiful hearts help me to be a better person.  So, because of them, I’m not going to hate on that former friend that called me.  I’m not about to throw shade.  Even though that person and I are no longer friends, I’m wishing her well and praying for the best for her.  I’m not always in the mood to be a good person, believe me.  I am so far from perfect.  I have a temper and sometimes that fuse is short, but I’m learning to be a better person regardless of what people do and how they react to me.  This is thanks to all the beautiful people in my life.  If you’re reading this, you know who you are and I am grateful to you and for you.  You make me better.  You make me love life.  You make me love myself as well as others.  From the bottom of my heart, un dangkalu na si yu’us ma’ase.

How could I not choose love?

 

Until later…be safe and be kind to one another.