Apr. 20, 2017

Love yourself. Please.

Sometimes, it takes life events to shake us up a bit.  For some, it may be just another weight on our shoulders.  For others, it’s a way to wake us up to what we’ve been working hard to avoid seeing.  Yet others, it’s something that drives us to reconsider our priorities.  Life events can be anything from a disease diagnosis to the marriage of a loved one to the birth of a child to the death of a loved one to having your life threatened.

For me, sometimes things that are too good to be true usually are.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have many beautiful people, things, and moments in my life.  It’s the genuine ones that I NEVER question.  Like my friendships.  I have some of the most astonishingly wonderful people that I am blessed to call friend.  People that I would never have dreamed that I’d be friends with.  People that love me for me and don’t treat me like just another fan, reader, friend.  Beautiful, right?  Abso-freaking-lutely.  However, just recently, one of my friendships ended in a way that messed with my head.

Someone, I will not name names, took their anger and insecurities out on me.  Not with words.  With their hands.  This person claimed to love me and called me “island queen.”  This person was supportive of me and all of my medical issues.  Last week, this person started losing their mind.  They were hurt that I hadn’t seen them in a week due to illness.  When I finally saw this person…let’s just say they decided that my apologies weren’t enough and that they needed to make their point physically known.  Now for those that know me, you know that I’m no victim.  I do not cower.  I won’t go into details, but I will say that I’m no longer friends with this person that threatened my life.  I handled myself.  BUT.  The mental and emotional repercussions remain though I’ve improved.

You see, I went through a few days where I questioned myself.  I questioned what it was about me that attracted people like that.  Why are people like them drawn to me?  What did I do?  Do I look like someone’s punching bag?  I even asked myself if I asked for it.  Know what else I asked myself?  If I deserved it.  I couldn’t talk about it except in small bits to two of my best friends.  It took some time, but what one of them said really resonated.  “You are not the problem.  They’re drawn to your light and love.  They want it even knowing they don’t deserve it.  It’s them, not you.  Don’t let them win.”  I realized today, that I had let them win for the past four days.  It was time to stop.

One other nudge that I received today was from reading an amazing book that reminded me that I needed to love myself.  I needed to listen to those that truly love me.  Their words are not just words.    Their actions are not just empty movements.  They’re all extensions of their hearts.  I needed to love myself to see my value and not take on the responsibility for someone else’s evil.  I needed to love myself enough to know and believe that I deserved to be treated better.

If you’ve experienced something like this and are still doubting yourself, stop it.  You are not a victim.  Don’t let them make you one.  You are stronger than you know and it is my fervent hope that you find that strength and embrace it.  Love yourself.  When you truly love yourself, your ability to love others is magnified and multiplied.  It brightens your world.  Please love yourself.

Until later beautifuls…be safe and be kind to one another.