Sep. 22, 2017

Not giving up.

I refuse to give up.  Have you reached a point, or even points, in your life where you want to give up?  Not just on a job or in a relationship.  I’m talking to the point where you want to completely give up: stop taking life-saving medications, stop being careful about getting sick or injured, or even taking your own life?  If you have, I’m sorry and I understand completely.  Within the past nine months, I have contemplated that last one at least three times.  I will admit to attempting it once.  Very few know that fact.  Like them, I’m glad I failed.  This is the one time I’m so happy that I failed at something. 

Recently, I thought about it.  You see, I’m consistently in incredible pain.  It takes a lot of medication to be able to simply take the edge off that pain.  I have a high tolerance level for pain, but these past few months, it has gotten worse and worse.  I now use a cane and a rollator.  My pride is very strong and huge.  However, after talking to some wise and treasured friends (Tracey, Vic, Nikki, Heather), I have to do what I need to in order to live my life.  I no longer look at those two tools with sadness.  They are helping me with my mobility.  I refuse to get a wheelchair and eventually become confined to it.  I refuse to let my muscles atrophy.

I saw my rheumatologist today and he expressed concern about allowing the cane and rollator hinder my ability to exercise.  In response, I told him that it was the opposite.  Those tools allow me to get out and walk around.  They allow me to move.  They are helping me to stop being a prisoner in my bedroom.  Though I did ask for a disability certification for the parking placard, it’s temporary (and believe me, this took a lot for me to ignore my pride and ask for it).

I’m going to start living my life again, even if I have to use my cane or rollator.  If I get flak from using either one, I have no problem using them as tools for other things. <wink>

I’m a very lucky girl.  I have such an incredible support system.  Heading this system is my baby sister, my SIL, my Twin, my Soul Sisters Tracey and Wendy, my Heather, my Vic, my Angel, my Jodi, my Audrey, my Nikki, my Jeananna, and my Jaci. Notice the possessiveness?  That’s right.  Not letting them go because they are true gifts and blessings.   I have so many others that are so amazingly supportive.  Yeah, I’m a lucky girl indeed.

If you have reached a point where you want to give up on everything, contact me.  I’ll be happy to pay it forward.  I’ll help you find your irreplaceable support system.  Life is for the strong.  And that's what you are, even if you don't believe it yet.

 

Until laters beautifuls…be safe and be kind to one another.